Hi everyone, or no one as the case usually is...
I am kind of a big fucked up mess, which usually is when I do my best writing.
In September of 2010, I had what was supposed to be a "simple day surgery" and it went horribly wrong. I was in the hospital for almost 3 full weeks, fighting Sepsis and nearly dying and leaving that gorgeous baby girl without a mama. I came home in October of that year to home-care nurses changing my dressings 3 times a day, then 2 times a day in November, and finally no longer coming in December, Just before Christmas.
What did this teach me? I guess to do your homework and be a better-informed patient, and not take a Doctor's word all the time. Also, to appreciate everything that you have. I was so sad to not see my baby every day for the 3 weeks I was in the hospital. She had gone to live with my sister in Medicine Hat, Alberta while I was sick. I was nearly comatose when my Parents and Husband made the decision to send the baby there. I had no say in the matter, so when I woke up and she was gone, I was kinda pissed. Who Sends a Baby away from her Mother!?!?!? But I did understand the predicament that everyone was in. I just wish that She could have stayed here, Closer to me.
The year passes and turns into 2011... And this constant ache in my abdomen slowly fades, (the scars however remained pretty prominent), but I am still in a pretty severe funk.
I end up in the hospital again in October, this time as a Psychiatric patient. I am finally diagnosed as bipolar, (bipolar cyclothymia to be specific), and I am given a prescription for some drugs that FINALLY make me feel somewhat alright. I am particularly fond of my new sleeping pills, Zopiclone!
Which brings us to now.
I have a wonderful girl who is nearly 3 years old, and a husband who switched career paths almost a year ago, and now is working almost all the time, leaving me and the aforementioned child alone (in my opinion) way too often. I feel like a single parent. I know I'm not, and I should be grateful for the nights when the husband bathes the baby, but I always end up with the naughty behavior and the disrespectful outbursts that leave me feeling like a failure as a Mom.
Last week, my cat died. He has been sick, having liver and kidney failures, and it was his time to go. We had scheduled a vet appointment to have him put to sleep. He died the day before his appointment. He was sleeping in the kid's room, and He made this horrible noise. I went to find him, and he was having a seizure. He had 7 seizures in the hour that it took to get him to the vet and put down. Horrific. It was absolutely horrific. I laid on the floor beside him, petting and whispering to him that he was a good boy and I loved him, until someone came to watch the Kid so I could take the poor kitty to the Dr.
I had that stupid cat for nearly half of my life... He was the first Man in my life that I loved. I told him that all the time. He was the best pet you could have asked for. He was independent like all cats, but he still had a snuggly side. He was good to the baby and was super gentle, even when his poor tail or ears were being attacked.
I miss him so much, and I swear, I still see him out of the corner of my eye.
This dumb cat has set my mental health recovery back. I am sad every damn day.
How stupid is that.
No comments:
Post a Comment