Evolution

Wow....

This feels really strange. Being here, looking at this web form, filling it out, and then soon enough, I will click on the "Publish" button once again.

I miss these moments. They were certainly not all eloquent or brilliant. But they were all me. Me at 27, me as a new mom, me as an almost divorcee... Me. And You, dear reader, dear Friend, are my witness and my mirror. I hope that If I send these thoughts out, that they do not just echo through the darkness, but they come back to me, strengthened by someone else's viewpoint.

I struggle with who I am becoming. I am as genuine as I can be, but it still sometimes feels like I am smiling for the public camera. I don't smile for the camera here. I have been bitchy, and catty, and sweet, and WAAAAYYYY too honest sometimes. (Holy Fuck! I put my name on here too! Shitballs! People will know it is me!!!)

I still struggle with being a parent, (and now she is a very smart, stubborn, beautiful four and a half year old). I struggle with being a wife, (how domesticated am I???) I struggle with being a good leader to my Girl Guide troops, (I want to beat a few of the adults up, because they are acting worse than the 5 year old girls in Sparks!) I struggle BIG time with being a good sister and daughter. (My one sister today came by and dropped off my Darling Daughter's sweater that had been left behind one night at Grandma and Grandpa's house. She told the kid, (who wasn't feeling very well today), that she should "throw up on Mommy". Really??? What the eff? That seemed...harsh.)

To channel My Inner Oprah, What I Know For Sure, is that I have evolved a little. We all do. We HAVE to. If you don't grow and change and evolve, you wither and die. I feel that I have more evolving to do, but I am headed in the right direction... ......I think.

After all this, I really want a Slurpee.

Some things Never Change.